if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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