I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
