I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
