He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
