So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
