Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
and you fell through a lawn chair
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
that is very illegal...i love you.
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