taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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