I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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