its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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