i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
