in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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