chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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