Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
