oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
