Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
