This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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