How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
