i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
