I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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