So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
