omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
