when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
