We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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