her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
