Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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