I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
