you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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