I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
