if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
please come you make the beer taste better
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
