I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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