So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
