Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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