none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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