I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
