I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
