The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
