You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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