YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
