There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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