Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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