3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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