Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
