its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
