i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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