I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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