Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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