I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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