I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
