I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
should my penis look like a turkey
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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