I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
