true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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