found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
