a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
try to milk me bitch
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
